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Can a faithful Catholic have sex with a Spouse who is using Contraception?
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the reproach of Christ 
Can the man commit natural Onanism for a grave reason, like if the wife threatens to kill him, or if an intruder into the bedroom threatens to kill him?
No, it is an intrinsically evil act. The only reason she can cooperate is because her actions are not intrinsically evil; she only does what she would ordinarily do in natural relations.